Sunday, August 31, 2003
eat it
eat it
open up your mouth and feed it
"eat it," "weird" al yankovic
i'm back to posting these days. most of you who read this should know that, but i'm currently at a residential treatment clinic for people who are too skinny. okay...anorexic or bulimic....
one of my favorite things about renfew is that poo is talked about on a daily basis. when i get weighed and "vitals" done at 5:15 am (7 days a week), one of the first things they say to me is "did you have a bowel movement yesterday?." apparently, going from starving to eating constipates you, because all the other girls are jealous of my regularity. and some days...SOME days...i beam with pride and tell them that i had TWO. there's one nurse there who always asks me if i have any interesting poo stories.
DO I EVER!!!
"DOO" I EVER!!!
besides pooing, i eat a lot of tofu. i eat a lot, period. i'm on a 3200 calorie diet. amanda. the girl who looks like a woman but eats like a man. ho!
more news later. don't go bye-byes on me. i have lots of fun stories to tell.
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
too tired to blog
i think i just might be. but i shall press on.
i should be embarassed to admit how upset my husband and i were when we realized that paradise hotel wasn't on last night. first, we made sure we got home nice and early yesterday because we had plans with a friend. then, the friend ditched us (i guess she forgot?). and we were like, well, that's fine...now we don't have to tape the show. but it's on tonight. i shall enjoy my last trashy reality show for three weeks (i have to go into a hospital for people with skinny arms and legs). NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
i'm also spending my one-year anniversary in this hospital. great. excellent. very good.
i'm really hungry now. i'm waiting for my second favorite sammidge (whole-grain bread, avocado, carrots, some yummy sun-dried tomato thing) to come. in case you're curious, my first favorite is from peanut butter & company. cinnamon raisin pb, vanilla cream cheese, and slice green apples. good times. see? i'm hungry. that's a good thing. i feel less anorexic already!
i don't know what the story will be while i'm...er...on...vacation. i will try to blog. but just in case, you need to try your best to savor today's and tomorrow's posts. even if i can't blog, i'll do something like having my husband guest-blog or something like that. so don't despair. ferg is still here for you.
Tuesday, August 12, 2003
it's good to see my babies again (and by babies, i mean the stuffed animals with whom---that's right...WHOM, not which--we still sleep)
we got home around 2:00. of course, we went straight to walgreens so we could get our pictures developed. and then home to unpack, and then the grocery store, and then back to walgreens, and then to the shower. then i could finally relax.
hm. i think i need a funny story. i can't think of one. if i could, i'd post a really funny impression that my husband does (of john mayer)...you really gotta hear it...it had us laughing through most of pennsylvania. and pennsylvia ain't no small state!!!
someone e-mailed me funny pictures of me and karolyn harass--er, showing our loyalty to--jeffrey brown. thank you!!! i need a higher resolution (or whatever you'd call it) digital camera, for i am ALL ABOUT taking the digies.
i just made that word up. 'tis a living language.
okay. my tum-tum hurts, so i'm going to go tend to myself. tomorrow i will write a fan letter to jeffrey brown--in all seriousness. he's as cute as can be, and he sure can tell a story.
night-night folks (unless i can't sleep, in which case it's "catch you later.")
Monday, August 11, 2003
on the road again
we're leaving today. sad! come back, karolyn and craig and jeffrey brown and wrestlers and dorks dressed up as star wars characters and people making racket at 3:00 am in the hotel...hey, whereya goin?
i will post again on tuesday, when we get back. we have 12.5 hours of driving ahead of us, plus potty and eating breaks. don't cry. the time will go quickly.
Saturday, August 09, 2003
day four
KEN IS DINGLEBERRYLICIOUS. IT'S LIKE BOOTYLICIOUS, BUT BAD.
we enjoyed the fire alarm late last night--especially the cheering that occurred when it finally stopped.
i guess there was more of the same goings-on today. karolyn made people laugh and made friends, and i laughed and stood behind her. we have some cute pictures. i took henry with me to the convention, and he was a big hit. (of course). we brought him back in the afternoon because he had to take a nap.
i think i keep smelling b.o. is it me? i've never smelled me with that outdoor, dirty smell. i've pitted out, and my feet can smell like vinegar, but i think it would scare me to smell b.o. on me. is it my jacket? sean says people at the convention stink. do you mind coming over here and smelling me? and give me your honest opinion--it's better if i know.
i read a jeffrey brown book last night (clumsy), and i really liked it. it made me sad. we talked to him a little bit today, and he's just adorable. karolyn kept calling him her best friend--but he's very shy, so it just kind of scared him.
if any of you people out there know jeffrey brown, he's a little munchkin teddy bear charmer (you can probably get his stuff at the topshelf page). if i were a single gal, i'd be stalking him right now. but i have already settled in with the adorable dork of my dreams. so go get 'im, single ladies!
um, jeffrey brown, that is. not my husband. not unless you want to get shot down by him and feel the new sensation of a foot up your bee-hind care of me.
day three
here's how i met craig:
k and sean and i got to the convention at about 11:30, and they headed right towards the top shelf table. i refused to go over there. we wandered a bit, and then sean went to a panel.
k and i went over near the top shelf table, but i couldn't go over there, so i hid behind a big post and kept peeking out. i was planning on making eye contact and then hiding several times, but it got to be a little boring after a while so we wandered more. when we came back, he was gone. so i went and bought a blankets shirt and asked the guy if he'd give craig a note
delightful craig
henry and i are here, but i was too shy to come over. i hope you are having fun.
love, amanda
the guy seemed amused, and said i should come back in a little bit but i didn't know if that would happen.
so we wandered more and talked to a lot of people and just generally caused minor trouble, then we settled into beanbag chairs and i took pictures of my feet (one of my toes is probably broken, actually....i tripped while trying to inconscipiculously run past the top shelf table). when sean's panel let out, we headed back over there, but he wasn't there. so we were walking away, and then a guy from the booth comes running after me and said craig will be right back, he really wanted to meet me.
so i went and hid in a curtain, but k snuck away and when i found her, she was showing him a picture of me stalking him from behind a pole.
and then i got a hug. how many of you have gotten a hug from your favorite artist?
now i have bad heartburn. but i had probably the best chocolate ice cream i've ever eaten tonight. it tasted like frozen hot chocolate. i've been eating a lot (YOU HEAR THAT), but i'm suffering for it.
tomorrow brings more trouble, hopefully a trip to the swimming pool, and hopefully hanging out with craigers and his lucky girlfriend. oh hooray!!!
Friday, August 08, 2003
day two
karolyn and i want to run to target and get boys t shirts. she has a fabric marker. we can make our own shirts. he's my idea:
Chunky
Rice's
Author
Is
Grand
i thought that might be a good ice breaker tomorrow. also, it's true. he is grand. also great.
henry is helping me be strong through this. he's going to have to come with me to the convention. henry is my son...also known as a large, stuffed koala bear that is kindly enough to share his eucalyptus with anyone he meets. he loves rufus wainwright, so we played his cover of "across the universe" for him.
we have a rule on this roadtrip. whenever we get back into the car from somewhere (potty breaks, food breaks), we have to listen to the song "boys" by britney spears. that'll teach sean to drink that extra bottle of caffeine-free diet pepsi!!!
KEN SMELLS LIKE OUR PATIO DOES RIGHT NOW.
i can't believe i'm in the same town as craig thompson. more news later.
Wednesday, August 06, 2003
the....fergie!
wanh. i was thinking that law & order: criminal intent would be on last night, but it was svu. i think svu is a slightly better show, but it lacks the delightfulness of vincent d'onofrio. k's friend works on the show, and she says that he is genuinely weird and creepy, i say he's just method acting. even if he's not, did you ever see happy accidents? he was creepy in that, but so cute and delightful.
KEN SMELLS.
so yesterday was errand day. i was running around getting things together for our big trip to chicago. (or, technically, rosemont). we leave at 7 pm tonight. anyway, i had a bunch of stuff to buy. like, a new atlas. and sparkly pink toenail polish. and hair dye.
and in the morning, i cleaned my bathroom like it ain't be cleaned befo'. we're talking takin' qtips to the tracks for the shower doors here. hot.
SMART: giving your bathroom a thorough, thorough cleansing.
DUMB: kennyb, and doing the cleaning before you dye your hair.
i was very careful, and it ended up being okay.
and then sean and i went to "the zp" (my favorite restaurant...zen palate. vegetarian--mostly vegan. all yummy) and borders. we bought a pile of books on eating disorders, and i bought craig thompson's girlfriend a book.
that's my plan, and my way to avoid making a nuisance of myself at the top shelf table. tell him i have the book, but i won't have it on me. that way, we have to actually hang out together at a time that he's not doing something else. i
it's sorta like that episode of seinfeld where george leaves his furry hat at a girl's house after a bad date. he has to get the hat, so she has to see him again, and then he gets stuck in her head. co-stanza! (to the tune of "byyyyyyyyyy mennen!" it's laid out like that: "the.....fergie!"
Monday, August 04, 2003
i want to shout it from the mountain tops...
I LOVE VINCENT D'ONOFRIO! I LOVE YOUR FUNNY WALK, I LOVE THE WEIRD FINGER-POINTING THING YOU DO, I LOVE THE WAY YOU TALK LIKE YOU'RE NOT QUITE WITH IT I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU.
KEN SUCKS.
(bm bm bm bm bm bm bm bm bm) NO!
(bm bm bm bm bm bm bm bm bm) NO!
(bm bm bm bm bm bm bm bm bm) NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
"walking with thee," clinic
that one is dedicated to my 2-year old nephew, matthew, who just learned how to say no. and god bless him for it not being "NOOOOOOOOOO MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" it's more like a quiet yet firm "no."
now would somebody please tell the lead singer of clinic to work on his diction so i can actually quote the songs? i hesitate to say they're one of my favorite bands because, although the music is sublime, i can't understand a darn word.
hm. let's see. did anything funny happen today? well, karolyn, sean, and i are all going to chicago together. there's sure to be fun, dorkiness, and lots of trouble. we're all ready to escape our issues for a few days. i'm trying to decide if it's too much to walk around the convention in angel wings. i don't think it is. how about if i wear the angel wings and carry around a large stuffed koala bear named henry. too much? i have to find a balance between having girly fun and not embarassing sean "on the job." i'm become less and less into the comic aspect of going there, and more into just playing.
craig thompson is going to be there. i wanted sean to make him promise to hang out with us. i'd like us to kidnap him so we can all frolic and be happy. and by "frolic and be happy," i mean get some snacks and watch "the two towers."
Sunday, August 03, 2003
takin' care of business
MAN did my husband and i take care o' business today. we cleaned out our closet, and donated eight--count 'em: EIGHT bags of clothes to goodwill. awwww yeah, baby!
and then it was shopping-spree time. friday night was really wacky and weird things are happening, so i'm trying to keep myself busy and as normal as possible...what better escape than a trip to the mall, right? we spent $32 at michaels (scrapbooking supplies), $378 at h&m (seanie needs new clothes, and i saw some fun stuff i had to have), $65 at target (new suitcase for seanie), groceries at stop and shop, blockbuster (unfaithful...very sad, happy accidents...the perfect compromise for a sci-fi nerd and someone who loves vincent d'onofrio, and far from heaven...haven't watched it yet).
and we went to church for the first time since showtime started. it wasn't the best "coming back" service...it was a wrap-up of the youth "adventure" trip. but there was one thing i have to share about it...a quote that was printed in the bulletin, i love it:
"the shoe that fits one person, pinches another. there is no recipe for living that suits all cases." (carl jung)
i would say i'm jung at heart, wouldn't you?
one more thing i must share: KEN IS A CRAPHEAD.
Friday, August 01, 2003
SPEAKING OF POO, KEN
what can brown doo for you?
i have a lot to say today, and most of it is about poo.
first, i'm getting sick of holding it in whilst exercising. i let myself have a nice, leisurely morning today. i had my coffee, i checked e-mail...i thought i was ready to "get moving" before i got moving at the gym. no luck. no poo, either. so i went to curves. sure enough, i was not even through my first time round the circuit when the urge set in. i made myself finish my workout (the toilet there doesn't look particularly "reliable" to me, if you catch my drift), but it wasn't easy.
i don't understand why i can't poo without exercising and why exercising always makes me poo.
second, my husband went to the doctor for an initial visit, and supposedly part of all initial visits/tests involves submitting a stool sample. (i'd like to mention that she is also my doctor, and i didn't get---er, HAVE--to do this).
so he was telling me about this on the phone, and i asked him if he had to do the scrapin'-while-it's-coming-out thing, or if he could just stick a swab up his behind (i've done the latter before, and it was great fun). he said neither: there's a little card with two spots on it. he's supposed to wipe, and smear a little bit o' poo on the card on two separate days, then mail it in. i asked him to not keep the card on the shelf above the sink, because i'd be too tempted to look in the time between the first and second poo samples. he did, but i was still tempted. he had to ask me to please not look.
